Words of wisdom for this week.
“Learn to see the world in its true light, for it will enable you to live pleasantly, to do good and when summoned away, leave without regret.” Robert E. Lee
As 2009 comes to a close and I consider all of the disappointments, mistakes unrealized dreams as well as achievements and successes of the past 12 months I have to wonder how are my attitudes, behaviors, expectations, beliefs and feelings contributing to my life outcomes.
Over the years I have written over 3 million words in my 75 plus books and thousands of articles, spoken to over a million people around the globe and have spent more time than I care to admit on self-evaluation and I still don’t have all of the answers I would like to enjoy true inner peace, contentment and enduring happiness. Why? Well, I could write another book about this topic, but I’m sure with the holidays approaching you have neither the time nor inclination to read my ramblings. So, I’ll keep it to a few hundred words.
Each of us has a number of things driving us toward or away from happiness and inner peace. These include but are not limited to; achievements, successes, judgments, opinions, beliefs, feelings, expectations, disappointments and thoughts. During the past several weeks I have read several books that have helped on this inner journey. One of them was Cushnir’s book, Setting Your Heart on Fire. In it he shares seven life invitations that we can embrace or postpone but their postponement only ensures more of the same disappointments or life outcomes in life that many of us have experienced or are experiencing now.
The question is – are our actions and behaviors the result of feelings first and then thinking and apparent knowing or the other way around? The mind with its thoughts and thought processes is a wonderful organ. It either rules our life our memories, present moments and future or we attempt to control it. Feelings are incredible life signposts that help us get in touch with who we are, what we need, what we want, what we want to avoid and how to live a life of happiness and inner peace.
I am coming to realize that I need to pay far more attention to my feelings than my thoughts as my thoughts and knowing are almost always ruled by ego, control, wants and the desire to create life as I desire it to be. On the other hand my feelings are almost always an accurate assessment of what is really going on in my world. We have a choice – let our lives be run by mental activities and often knowing that is not justified or by emotional feelings.
Too many people resist or deny their feelings for many reasons. I know people who won’t allow themselves to cry in public for fear of ridicule or to be seen as weak. I know people who let past negative experiences prevent them from embracing fully what is and can be now or in the future. I know people who stuff feelings for fear of coming across as insecure or weak. I know people who let past memories and their interpretation of them prevent them from embracing the potential of a new relationship or career and the exciting adventure ahead we call life. I have been guilty of all of these at one time or another during my life and I can tell you – it’s not fun or a pretty picture.
I though I was doing a good job of living life from my heart instead of my mind, but I was recently made aware of how little progress I have really made by someone who I respect and like, but will remain anonymous.
During a recent conversation with her I realized that my primary challenge in life was learning to love myself unconditionally regardless of my failures and mistakes (and there have been a bunch of them, let me tell you) and that almost all of my life’s heartaches – both now and in the past could be brought back to this simple premise – I desire validation, appreciation and love but have never felt I had enough of any of them because I was unable to give them to myself. For some hidden inner reason I believed I wasn’t worthy of them.
Please understand this is not a confession or a cathartic exercise on my part but a sharing in the hope that as you begin a new year in your life that maybe my awareness might help you along the path to greater inner peace and happiness.
I don’t know about you and what your demons are but I can tell you, you’ll never find peace and happiness as long as you let your mind and knowing rule your life and try to ignore or avoid your feeling body.
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Copyright: 12/2009 Tim Connor, CSP – Connor Resource Group
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