Weekly Relationship Tips
Words of wisdom for this week.
“Its not the life that matters, but the courage you bring to it.”
~ Yogi Bhajan
Over and over again, I am sometimes subtly and at other times with a 2×4, brought to the reality that much of my behavior, attitudes, fears, needs and desires stem from some experience deeply rooted in my past. For example – how some people can push my buttons (even when I don’t want them pushed or want to give the power to be able to push them) and bring me to tears, anger or any number of emotions without my knowing why or often being able to control them.
Partners, spouses, siblings, parents or close friends who know us well have this potential ability. They can push these buttons knowingly to solicit a reaction (to manipulate us) or they can do it unconsciously. The result is always the same; We get angry. We become afraid. We feel out of control. We feel stressed.
Somewhere in my past, and I don’t know how far back I need to go: to yesterday or to when I was a child (I am not a Psychologist and I don’t have a couch in my office so I will just have to figure this out on my own) there must be some clues; some unmet needs, unfulfilled desires, hidden or repressed pain or grief – something – anything that gets me closer to the truth.
It is not easy to look back. It is difficult to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: what has caused you to react the way you did, feel the way you do or cause you to experience whatever reaction some person or event has been able to create within you.
I only know that in the end, after the emotional upheaval has subsided and I have taken the time to consider how I gave up the power to the other person or event, I felt weak and small, knowing that I gave up that one thing that is truly mine: my ability control me and not turn that responsibility over to anyone or anything else – my personal power.
So, I spend the next several hours looking at the history of my relationships with people in my past to see If I can discover the reasons for my reactions, beliefs, attitudes or feelings.
Ever had anyone push your buttons and after ‘getting over it’ wonder why they had the power or why you gave it to them? Did you just give it a casual thought or did you ever take the time or had the courage to look honestly without blinders, to what may have made you susceptible to life’s – button pushers? Some food for thought this week…