Words of wisdom for this week.
“The first ingredient in communication is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor and the fourth wit.”
– Sir W. Temple
Ever told a half truth? What’s a half truth? Well it’s always leaving something out of your message. You didn’t lie with what you said but is telling only half truths as bad as telling a lie? Well it depends.
Let’s say your partner asks you why you were late coming home from work. Your response, “I had to work late.” Now let’s also assume that you had to work late but stopped off to meet a few friends for an after work drink and you left that conveniently out of your response. Did you tell the truth? Yes. But did you tell the whole truth, probably not. But you say, “Well, I can’t go giving my partner a blow by blow description of what I did moment by moment when he or she asks, “How was your day?”
Yes, you are right some people want more details than others when questions are asked. But the real issue here is integrity. Let’s go back to our previous conversation for a minute. If later that evening he or she asked did you do anything after work before you came home?” Now here is the crux of the difference between the truth and the whole truth. If you feel uncomfortable telling him or her the rest of the story later you obviously felt like telling them the whole story might have conjured up some conflict so you left that part out of your answer. It comes back to your reasons, intent or rationales. If you leave out stuff that you hope people won’t discover later for any reason that’s a half truth. A lie? No but a misrepresentation, you betcha.
Why do people tell half truths? Fear, uncertainty around their partner’s reaction? Insecurity? The intent to hide something? An attempt to be compassionate or understanding? Yes to all of these. But are some of them healthier than others? Of course. If your partner asks how you like their outfit and you think it looks ugly do you just tell them its stupid looking? First of all everything is in the eye of the beholder. You may think it’s ugly but you could also be in the minority regarding this. Let’s say your partner were to ask 100 people what they thought of their outfit. Do you think you would get a variety of responses? Yes. So who’s right? Saying you like something when you don’t is your personal opinion. If your partner wants your opinion they will ask. However if they are insecure and want validation and you fail to give it to them, well, Katy bar the door…
I am by no means suggesting that fibbing, lying or misrepresentation are good, healthy or even wise but I am suggesting that you need to know what your partner expects when they ask a question like that. I can also tell you that if you continue to appease them, when that isn’t what they want or need from you, sooner or later you will regret it.
Make Some Memories Every Day…