Words of wisdom for this week.
“It is what we know already that often prevents us from learning.” Claude Bernard
And I’m not talking about your car’s oil filter but your emotional, mental and behavioral filter. We all have one and it’s the cause of all conflict, unhappiness, stress and so much more in life. Let me explain.
Each of us has a mental filter that functions in our consciousness that every new experience, all learning, each person and their behaviors and everything that you encounter during your waking moments must pass through before it is given access to our minds. This filter was activated at your birth and doesn’t stop working until your death. It is composed of a variety of factors such as your; age, gender, race, where you were raised, nationality, upbringing, religion, expectations, fears, goals, memories, experiences and anything that you have been exposed to as a human. It has been fed by your; parents or care givers, churches, friends, co-workers, relatives, customers, employees etc.
This filter after a number of years as you can well imagine if not kept cleaned out will soon become clogged with a variety of opinions, beliefs, values, expectations and so on. Here’s the problem – if you don’t keep your filter clean – all of your reactions, responses, behaviors, emotions and feelings will be controlled not by what is happening in the present but by what is in your filter.
I have had several recent experiences where the other person’s filter caused them to react totally out of auto-pilot (directed by the filter’s contents) rather than what I said or did. Their responses were not appropriate for the circumstances and I’ll guarantee that any random other 10 people would have all acted differently – yes according to the make-up of their personal filters.
This is precisely the point. Everyone reacts or responds to life’s circumstances, issues, problems, challenges totally uniquely depending on their individual filter’s contents. Doubt me? Send the same email to 5 different people. Do you think you will get the same reaction? Have the same conversation with 3 people. Do you think for a minute that everyone will respond the same? I am not talking here about right or wrong or good or bad – these are all perceptions based on a person’s mental filtering.
The question you need to ask yourself Is simple – is your filter preventing you from enjoying life to the fullest moment by moment or are you at odds with circumstances, people, events etc? Do other drivers bother you? Do you get annoyed quickly? Do you let uncertainty cause you stress? Do you allow others to determine your reactions, responses or feelings? If your answer was yes to any of these questions and many more I could easily pose – your filter needs to be cleaned out.
So, how do you clean out your mental filter?
- Start surrounding yourself with people you trust, respect and like but who have different beliefs, opinions or values than you.
- Start exposing yourself to new concepts that may at first be uncomfortable through reading, seminars, CD’s etc.
- Get involved in networking groups or associations that are made up of members that have different values, experiences or education than you.
- Visit new places in that are made up of people from different cultures, religions or nationalities.
Let me repeat – what’s in your filter isn’t necessarily right or wrong or good or bad but the information stored there has contributed to your current mindsets that control your attitudes and behaviors in the present.
Cleaning out your filter doesn’t mean you trash all that is in it – just that you start questioning its contents in a mature and responsible way using a simple benchmark – are you happy, filled with peace and successful and stress-free. If not clean out your filter.